“We’re talking trillions. You know, when the numbers are this big, they’re just pretend,” Warren soothed. “There ain’t no Scrooge McDuck vault. You ready to get red-pilled? Money doesn’t exist. It’s just a promise from a computer.”
She flipped a complicated chart showing funding schemes for the health care plan: “Look at this here. Do you understand this? I do. I could explain it to you but you’d die.”
One possible source for funds? Taxing the banks. “Duh,” the candidate explained in the sketch. “They’re going to pay for it … all we’ve got to do is convince JPMorgan to operate like a nonprofit.”
Still, her health care plan “compares favorably” to rival Joe Biden’s — because “it exists.”
McKinnon’s Warren said that when Sen. Bernie Sanders was talking about the same plan, people said, “Oh cool, and then they turned to me and said: ‘Fix it, Mom!’”
“I’ll do it because that’s what moms do,” said McKinnon. “Daddy takes you to see ‘Boogie Nights’ when you’re 10. I provide the long, tender follow-up explanations about sex and whether Mark Wahlberg’s penis is a realistic length.”
“Mom” also had some kindly advice for President Donald Trump and his move to Florida: “Don’t stand too close to an orange tree ’cause someone might try to pick your head.”
Check it out in the clip up top.